Heart of Gold
by Irhaboggles
Summary: Danger Mouse drives Professor Squawkencluck up the wall all the time, and yet she still adores him. Why? Because of what she can see underneath his callow, shallow, callous exterior: a heart of gold. And she loves him for it even though she hates him. They have years of adventures to prove it, after all. So is it any surprise when they one day get married?


Professor Squawkencluck watched Danger Mouse with a tired expression. As much as she cared for him and as much as she liked him and as much as she felt honored to work with him, his self-centered, self-worshipping, self-serving personality made him really hard to love. He seemed unaware of just how rude he often was. And he seemed just as in the dark about all the dumb and dangerous things he'd ever done in his time serving the agency. Just because he was called DANGER Mouse didn't mean he had to be reckless all the time… if ever. There was a difference between danger and stupidity, but Danger Mouse was too blind and arrogant to see it. (There were days when she wondered if "DM" actually meant "Dimwitted Moron"). He just thought so highly of himself that everyone else was only a distant star while he was the sun itself.

But despite his massive ego and his tiny I.Q. his heart and desire for justice, compassion and honor was what offset everything else and what made him a true hero, not just in the eyes of Professor Squawkencluck, but in the eyes of everyone else in London. Danger Mouse, though misguided, really had everyone else's best interests at heart. He might've been the perfect hero, Professor Squawkencluck decided, if he would be more willing to listen to the opinions and wisdom of others instead of always assuming he was perfect and omnipotent. If he could humble himself and become more open to the words of others, he would be the best hero the universe had ever had: kind, caring, charismatic, daring and honorable.

And those two conflicting thoughts summed up Professor Squawkencluck's feelings for the mouse pretty well. Half the time, she adored him and everything that he could be. She could always see the best in him even when it was hard and she knew of the heart of gold that lay beneath his self-absorbed and thick shell. But the other half of the time, she loathed that foolish rodent. She could see nothing but ego and vanity manifest in glossy white fur. She could only see an empty head in need of a hard smack for being so selfish and shortsighted. From his cocky attitude to that insufferable smirk to that prideful posture to that mischievous yellow eye, there were moments when Professor Squawkencluck wanted nothing more than to freeze the mouse into an ice sculpture just so he and his mouth would stop running for five seconds!

But as wild as Danger Mouse drove Professor Squawkencluck, she still cared deeply for him. And there were handful of specific events in her memory that chronicled this dichotomous and seemingly oppositional relationship she shared with the mouse. First was the attack from HEAD. Even though it had been Danger Mouse's fault that HEAD had gone rogue, Professor Squawkencluck had been willing to admit that she was sort of in the wrong as well, not because of anything she did, but because she had been a bit harsh on Danger Mouse for that whole day. Additionally, even though it was his fault HEAD went rogue, the only way she could've deviated from her programming was if there had been a flaw in the coding, and that was on Professor Squawkencluck's head, and she knew it.

But after HEAD had been beaten, Professor Squawkencluck remembered embracing Danger Mouse. In the heat of the moment, the two both opened their arms at the exact same time and went in to hug the other. For just one second, they had snuggled close together, both of them grinning like idiots, hearts beating in synch with pride. But after that one second, they both realized what they were doing and were quick to come to their senses, pulling out of the hug with sheepish laughter. But the damage was done.

Even if the hug had only lasted a second, its feeling and implication lasted forever. At least for Professor Squawkencluck. What caught her more off guard than the embarrassment of hugging someone (especially a certain coworker she so despised) was how fast, natural, instinctual and mutual it had been. Without even thinking, she'd gone in to hug the mouse, and that was what shocked her most of all. She'd been so fast to reach out for that hug. To her, that signaled that her fondness for the mouse might've gone deeper than she first realized. Why else would hugging him have been such a gut reaction for her? And she could not forget how warm and solid that hug had felt, even though it had been short. There was just something so supportive about his arms around her body, squeezing her close. And she'd held on just as tightly, trying to convey all the things words never could. And she would never forget that he had hugged her just as hard and fast as she had hugged him…

And then there were all of her botched birthdays by his hand. How many times had he forgotten, ignored or ruined them? She remembered one birthday with hideous clarity. He'd told her to get in the car because they were going to do something fun together. Secretly thrilled about spending a happy night out with the mouse while celebrating her birthday had sent her flying into the car with the speed of a falcon. She'd even gotten gussied up just for the occasion, certain that it would've been a long night of fun and laughter. She had suggested the theater, or the opera, or dinner even. She had thought that Danger Mouse was legitimately asking her out to go to dinner to celebrate her birthday. And it would've just been the two of them. And she had gotten all dressed up for the occasion…

But she had been mistaken. Instead, it had been a surprise attack on Dr. Loo-cifer's sewer base. It was the grossest night of her life and she'd needed to trash her fancy dress the next morning because of how irreversibly damaged and dirtied it had been. And all the while, Danger Mouse hadn't even realized that it had been her birthday. He hadn't asked her out because it was her birthday, but because he wanted to take her on an adventure! And he'd assumed the dress was just something she had wanted to wear, and not the result of a misunderstanding from her to him. It hadn't even occurred to him. All he'd ever thought about was himself.

At first, this had infuriated Professor Squawkencluck beyond comprehension, but then another thought came to her. He hadn't asked her out because he thought that there was something special about that day. He had asked her out just for fun. For no reason at all, he wanted to bring her along on one of his adventures. There was something sort of sweet in such an idea and, just for a moment, some of Professor Squawkencluck's anger at the mouse diminsihed. It wasn't often when someone asked her to do things with them purely for kicks, but Danger Mouse had.

That was why when, a year later, when he sabotaged her birthday seemingly out of the blue, her temper did not get the best of her. She had been angry and hurt at first, snarling and crying whenever he came in to destroy more of her fun, but she finally realized that even he wouldn't be that cruel. At least not without good reason. And her ability to give Danger Mouse the benefit of the doubt proved to be a very wise decision indeed. Her faith in him had not been betrayed and he managed to prove that he had not ruined her party as a prank, but because all of the objects within the party had been robots designed by their arch-nemesis, Baron Greenback. His destruction of her party had been an act of protection on his part, and she was able to realize that _without _blowing a gasket, and that was because, as crazy as he made her, she still knew there was a heart of gold within him. Like she had said, he wouldn't have been that cruel without good reason. She was proven correct.

Then there had been the day Danger Mouse met Professor Squawkencluck's mother. Although that had been a very weird, wild and whacky day, Professor Squawkencluck would never forget how embarrassing it had been for her to watch her mother meet Danger Mouse. Even worse was watching him try to impress her. Whether he was doing it just to acquire another fan or to one-up Professor Squawkencluck or to try and look good to her mother (which had a lot of implications in and of itself) didn't matter. Professor Squawkencluck just remembered how mortified she'd been for that whole day. And just for a second, she had been jealous and hurt.

When Danger Mouse slandered her inventions to her and her mother's face, even though she knew he wasn't exactly wrong, his words had cut her deep. And it wasn't just because he was essentially lowering her in her mother's eyes, but because he had sounded so genuinely disgusted and disdainful of her inventions, of all of her time and effort, for him and the rest of the world. What hurt more than the rudeness of what he had said was the truthfulness with which he said it.

But even though he had humiliated Professor Squawkencluck in front of her own mother and then admitted that he thought her inventions were as much rubbish as the monster her father had accidently been turned into, he still managed to save the day and change her mind again anyway. Just like always. During the heat of their escape from Professor Squawkencluck's trash-ified father, Danger Mouse remembered one of Professor Squawkencluck's inventions and realized that it could be used to help them save Professor Squawkencluck's father. That mouse, that brilliant and stupid mouse, had honestly suggested the use of one of Professor Squawkencluck's own inventions. And he hadn't done it to make it up to her for earlier. He had done it because he genuinely realized the worth that device had. It did more for Professor Squawkencluck than any apology ever could have, and not for the first time did the hen forgive the mouse for his past transgressions in light of one of his innocent, accidental compliments of her work. He really did have a way of bringing her down only to send her flying back up, and all within the span of one day and without even meaning to. And that was another perplexing thing about him: his innocence. He could be so mean and so kind, yet so ignorant all the while, and she didn't know if this made him endearingly honest and sweet, or annoying and in need of a serious reality check.

Then there had been the terrible time when she, and the rest of the world, thought that Danger Mouse had died. In reality, he'd suffered a bout of amnesia after one particularly brutal battle against the evil Augustus Crumhorn, but because the amnesia prevented him from coming home after the battle, it seemed as though he had been killed.

Grief was not strong enough of a word to describe Professor Squawkencluck's pain. She had been in anguish, mourning heavily for her fallen friend and hero. She'd cried for him, though she never would've ever admitted that. Mourning she could confess to, but crying was something only she knew. She had shed tears for the fallen mouse and felt irreversibly broken after he failed to come home. It was as if a piece of her had been stolen right out of her body, though whether that piece was big or small she didn't know. She just knew that it had hurt terribly.

But then Danger Mouse managed to recover his memories and come back to her, and the rest of the Danger Agency. With him returned, Professor Squawkencluck's old spirit came back as well and she had been quick to leap back into the heat of battle now that her friend and fellow soldier had returned to fight alongside her once again.

There were also multiple occasions in which the bloody mouse had finally managed to be the straw that broke the camel's back. Twice had he run her out of the Danger Agency entirely. The first time he got her fired because he kept on destroying her inventions and making her look bad. The second time, he undervalued her so much that she began working for another, more appreciative, agency. But both times, the stupid, stubborn mouse had managed to apologize, in his own self-promoting and beating-around-the-bush kind of way. But even if his apologies were always lame, the lengths to which he would go to try and make things better was always so sweet, when it wasn't also terrifying and insanely reckless.

When he got her fired, instead of just apologizing, he decided to create a catastrophe so grand that only she would be able to fix it, thus proving to the Danger Agency that she was a vital piece of it. His plan had worked, but it resulted in the entire Earth being cut in half. What a mess that had been to fix! But it did earn Professor Squawkencluck a really nice paycheck, and way more job security than ever before. So there was that.

And then the second time, when he ran her out of the Agency in anger, the idiot managed to win her back anyway. It had taken quite a lot of time and a threat of an apocalypse, but Danger Mouse finally admitted to appreciating Professor Squawkencluck and all of her hard work. Just like the incident with her parents, it had sent Professor Squawkencluck rocketing up to cloud nine. She was willing to forgive and forget (at least for the moment) and together, the two of them had saved the world.

Their enemy, Greenback, had been attempting to use a blast from the sun to kill them. Professor Squawkencluck, however, had a tennis racket powerful enough to deflect _anything_, including direct hits from the sun. Together, then, literally hand in hand, Professor Squawkencluck and Danger Mouse had deflected the blow and saved the day, proving once again just how well they could really work together. And even after the glow of the victory had passed, Danger Mouse continued to bask in the afterglow by continually insisting that the victory all belonged to Professor Squawkencluck, only for her to playfully disagree and argue the counter. Even in good moments, they had to argue, but this time, it was the best kind of argument either of them could ever hope to have.

Then there was the time even Colonel K seemed to sense the chemistry between the two of them. Even if none of them knew if it was good or bad or even in what way the chemistry was felt and portrayed (Romantic? Platonic? Somewhere in between? Or outside?) he still sent them on a mission together to pose as husband and wife. He didn't exactly phrase it that way, choosing instead to say "Penfold's father and mother", but it was still pretty clear what he was hinting at. The thought had angered Professor Squawkencluck greatly. Not because her own boss seemed to see her confusing feelings about Danger Mouse and was trying to egg them on, but because she had thought that making her the mother was a bit sexist. Of course it was Danger Mouse's wife, and not his sister or friend or cousin! And it didn't help when the duo ended up needing to win a dance competition in order to save the day. And it wasn't just any old dance competition, it was ballroom themed. Which meant that every competition came in pairs, as they waltzed, in a ballroom, in fancy gowns. It was the most on-the-nose thing Professor Squawkencluck had ever done, though the mission at hand mercifully kept her from dwelling on this.

The next incident Professor Squawkencluck could remember had not been quite as serious, dramatic, implicative or confusing though. Instead, it had come in the form of an embarrassing video Danger Mouse was trying to hide from the world. It was him, having broken into her lab… but for once, he wasn't there to steal or cause trouble. He was dressed up like her and dancing around. It was meant to be funny, but Professor Squawkencluck had only been able to stare. It made her eyes bleed, to see him, Danger Mouse, in _her_ clothes and makeup, dancing around _her_ lab and pretending to be her, but there was a strange sort of charm in it. Did he really like her so much that he wanted to be her? Because this video had been accidental, caught by the lab's security cameras and not by Danger Mouse's own choice. So his actions that day had been entirely his own. He had sincerely chosen to dress up like Professor Squawkencluck for no apparent reason. Professor Squawkencluck still had no idea what to think about it, though it did still make her eyes hurt just thinking about it. It was a very disturbing sight… She even forgot to be mad at him for stealing her stuff and breaking into her lab!

But what really stepped it up a notch was when Danger Mouse took a picture of himself with Professor Squawkencluck using her Futuroid camera. As the name entailed, the pictures that came out of the camera showed the subject in the distant future. Their photo had been of them kissing, and it had haunted, disturbed and embarrassed both of them. They soon found it hard to speak to each other, or even make eye contact, let alone physical contact. It was like that first battle with HEAD all over again, too sheepish to even hug! And then the kiss came and went, not really a kiss at all, but the passing of a skeleton key via the mouth. Still kind of gross and suggestive, in Professor Squawkencluck's mind, but Danger Mouse serenely insisted that it had not technically been a kiss at all since his lips had only touched the key, and not her beak. She was more than happy to go with that story instead, her embarrassment washed away now that that mortifying picture was buried in the past.

Then about a month later, another mission rolled around that required the duo to pick up their disguises as husband and wife again. This time, though, they were getting married.

"I can't believe we're doing this!" Danger Mouse sweated and fretted, pulling unhappily at his little red bowtie.

"We need a distraction big enough and this is the best we've got!" Professor Squawkencluck hissed back at him through an earpiece. Since they were "bride and groom" at the moment, they were still not allowed to see each other, but Professor Squawkencluck was already one step ahead.

"I know, but do we really have to pretend to get married?!" the mouse complained.

"Just shut up and let's start this ceremony!" she replied before shutting the earpiece off.

In place of Danger Mouse's voice, organ music started to play. Then suddenly, Professor Squawkencluck was there, walking down a long red aisle in a big white dress, towards the white mouse standing in a black tux at an alter under their rose-covered gazebo. It was a little outdoor wedding, just because they had neither the time nor resources to acquire a chapel, but all of that was lost upon both of them as they fought hard to look like they were excited to get married. They weren't. Danger Mouse looked mortified and uncomfortable while Professor Squawkencluck had no idea how she felt. Except for maybe slightly weird and nauseous about having to go to such great lengths all for the sake of a diversion.

Then suddenly, she was right up there with Danger Mouse at the altar. They held hands and tried to smile lovingly at one another while little red hearts danced around their heads. They were little bots of Professor Squawkencluck's to be used in the upcoming battle, but for now, they were masquerading as wedding decorations. To further that illusion, they shot confetti out of their tops as the mouse and hen united at the altar.

Blessedly, though, the pair was released from their vows a second before they were due to kiss. Right before the preacher could say it, the battle began and Danger Mouse and Professor Squawkencluck both went flying from the altar, not looking back even once as they stripped down into their battle gear with the red heart bots flying after them, leaving a very confused preacher in their wake.

But even though _that _wedding had been fake, the one taking place just a bit over a decade after they'd first met was all too real. This time, the wedding was not an act. This time, there was no nervousness or awkwardness. This time, they had their fancy chapel. This time, there was a full house, all of their friends and family and friends' family in attendance to watch the monumental union. This time, when Professor Squawkencluck walked down the aisle, she really meant it. This time, when Danger Mouse smiled at her from the altar, he really meant it. This time, when they held hands as their vows were read, there was only true happiness and excitement. This time, their kiss was real, and warm, and wonderful. And all the shame and embarrassment and confusion of the past melted away as they pulled each other in for a hug, deepening the kiss and sealing their lifelong union. It was a beautiful moment, picture perfect and far grander than anything either of them could've imagined. But underneath all the fancy trimmings and decorations, they were still the same old bickering pair that they used to be: a secret agent and a gadgeteer scientist.

"Mouse! That honeymoon vehicle took me a month to build!" Professor Squawkencluck despaired as her husband accidently crashed their vehicle into a mountain that they were visiting. He'd been trying to do some cool stunt and instead got them stranded on top of an icy cliff.

"Oh well, charted destinations are always so boring anyway! Having to fly without a GPS will be far more fun!" he said dismissively, and she felt about two seconds from throwing him off the top of the mountain they were now stranded on.

"Besides," the mouse continued, blind to his wife's fury. "Even if the plane doesn't work anymore, I can always call the Danger Car!" he pulled a device from his pocket and blew into it loudly. It was a whistle. And, about five minutes later, the Danger Car came zooming in through the clouds.

"How?" Professor Squawkencluck's beak dropped as the car came to a stop beside her and her husband, opening up for them to hop in.

"The summoner you made for me!" Danger Mouse replied proudly as they left the ruins of Professor Squawkencluck's previous mode of transportation on the mountain top. The Danger Car wasn't half as elegant, but it was comfy.

"Summoner?" Professor Squawkencluck was genuinely confused as they flew away off the mountain.

"A year or so back," the mouse clarified as he steered them to somewhere safer… and warmer. "You invented that little whistle in case I was even in a jam and couldn't get to the Danger Car. It was a way for me to summon it anywhere and if the Danger Car was down, or if I need some other vehicle, I could just whistle in different pitches to summon up different types of transport!"

As he reminded the hen of her inventions, her eyes widened and watered. They widened with realization as Danger Mouse reminded her of the little device. They watered because she was infinitely touched to find out several things. One, that Danger Mouse remembered her invention. Two, that he actually used it. Three, that it kept it on his person at all times. Four, that he took care of it (how else would it have lasted an entire year?). Five, that he appreciated it. The satisfied and proud tone with which he spoke about that whistle made that all too clear. So even now, even after all this time, Danger Mouse still drove Professor Squawkencluck insane. He broke her inventions and callously dismissed the wreckage. But then he would find some way to unintentionally make it up to her, usually by complimenting or using another one of her other inventions to prove that as thick-skulled as he was, he really did appreciate Professor Squawkencluck and all of her hard work.

And in her mind, the unintentional nature of all of this was both the worst and best part. Worst because it made it seem like there were still times when Danger Mouse genuinely had no idea how Professor Squawkencluck was feeling at the moment, or that he just didn't care, or care enough to find out. But best because it meant that any time he did interact with her, he was being completely honest and there was no pretense or ulterior motive in his behavior. For example, with the whistle, he hadn't been complementing it to make Professor Squawkencluck feel good. He'd been complimenting it because he genuinely appreciated and admired it (and its maker) and Professor Squawkencluck knew this, because he hadn't even meant to apologize. His natural choice of words did it for him, and that was what essentially forced that remark to be an honest apology, which Professor Squawkencluck accepted happily. His casual remark about how he used her inventions meant more to her than any honeyed compliment or over-the-top apology ever could have.

So yes, Danger Mouse still continued to drive her up the wall, 10 years after they'd first met, but this time, she finally knew why she loved him so much despite that fact. It was because underneath all that cold, shallow and selfish exterior, there was a heart of gold, and part of it was beating for her, just as her own heart beat for him.

**AN: I ship DM and Squawk SOOO hard, cliché and sometimes unhealthy as their relationship is. I only touched upon a few DM/Squawk moments from the show, but they were the ones that stuck out to me the most. **

**Also, the "fake wedding" was the picture we saw from the Futuroid camera at the end of "The World Is Full of Stuff". Even if this ship does end in marriage canonically, I'd bet money that it won't be the wedding from the camera since that camera is notorious for only showing half the truth.**

**Their real marriage, IMO, will be something different (as I portray in the scene following the fake wedding).**

**And then the closer is just them on their honeymoon, DM accidentally crashing their vehicle into a mountain because he was trying to do something cool, only to leave them stranded on an icy cliff. But he isn't afraid because he has another one of Squawk's brilliant inventions to help them out, and he knows it, and he knows that it will save them both, because he knows just how much Squawk really means to him, both as a gadgeteer and, now, as a wife. And his faith in her will never waver, even if he is sometimes unintentionally abrasive with her. But deep down underneath all that conceitedness is a very real heart, and it loves Squawk very much, and they both know this very well.**


End file.
